Wanted: fake emails for Cook, Serve, Delicious. Submit away!

[chubigans]

So you might remember the newspaper/phone objects in Ore no Ryomi 2, which had some story or nutty item you could read about.

Well all of that is gone in Cook, Serve, Delicious, and replaced with a new email system. With the email you'll be able to see when you get upgrades, offers, and some really nifty stuff that I'm keeping close to the chest for now.

But you'll also get an influx of spam emails. These will be the random little bits of fun scattered across CSD. I have a whole bunch lined up, but I'd love to get a lot from you guys as well!

The Rules

-The setup is that these emails are coming from employees/workers of the tower that the restaurant is located in, SherriSoda Tower.
-Do not use special characters or formatting.
-No real names, last names, phone numbers, or websites. Use extensions and Suite numbers instead. Such as:

Call Jackie F.
Ext 2399
Suite 10239

-Must be limited to 2-4 marginally big paragraphs.
-Make the first line the subject line.
-If submitting more than one email, be sure to separate each one with a -------------- bar.
-Can be a series of emails associated with one another, however keep in mind the order that the user gets them in is completely random.
-Go as weird and random as you'd like.
-No need for proper punctuation or spelling!
-No profanity or adult themes.
-You can submit as many as you want, and you will be credited in the Credits if your emails are accepted (I'll be asking for real names via PMs once the game is near completion, so do check your PM box once the deadline is up).
-Deadline is June 18th.


Here's some example spam emails:

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(Subject Line:) DVD VHS CD

You got old tapes? Trade that stuff in for CASH! I'll pay $5 for every pound of DVDs/VHS/CDs that you can bring in~

Dont believe other pound-per-dvd people that will rip you off. trust JOHNSON at extension 588 for all your video needs.

Seriously call me at ext 588 I need your dvds.


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(Subject Line:) Rosa's Corner Newsletter 4

-You ever get the feeling that life is the dream, and when we sleep is the reality? I thought about that on my way to work and it freaked me out to where I almost ran over a homeless person! But was the homeless person also real? Who can tell us the answers to these questions?
-Quesadilla recipes! Call me at ext 3932 and let's swap! I need a brownie recipe by the end of the week.
-I am still missing my ceramic poodle that was on my desk last week. Please call 3932 if you have info. No questions asked.
-Are we mere beings in this cosmic existence, or do we inhibit a plane which only we can see and others cannot? I will break this down in another newsletter.


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(Subject Line:) I DONT WANT THAT LEADER GUY TO WIN

anyone else fed up with our leader? its time to take a stand! come stand with me at floor 38 and lets stand together against ht pesident guy once and for all! lets vote for the other guy!

TOGTHER WE CAN STAND UNITED FOREVER AGAINST FUTURE IS CHILDREN. well do it gitehter!

please no peanut products near me im allergice to panuts. down with peaniuts as well.


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(Subject Line:) 50% OFF ALL TACOS!

Ask Oleary at ext. 2938 for his famous back-of-the-van tacos. No refunds. Mention this email for discount.


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(Subject Line:) HAVE YOU PREORDERED?

Dont miss out on the hot new game BOUNCING BAHOOLIES 5: REVENGE OF GUNS. Sgt. Mahoney is BACK as he destroys waves of enemies as revenge for kidnapping his family. Will he make it to them in time?? Only if he can go back...IN TIME!

Features a perk-system multiplayer and three different colored endings. Preorder at GameCorner ext 393.


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(Subject Line:) I can make fish

If you need fish, I can get fish. Fish for aquariums, eating, or decorational fish. No questions or I will terminate the deel. Ask for Juan at ext 924 but dont ask anything else. No jellyfish.

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So there ya go! I look forward to seeing the weirdness, and I'll post this in the blog/tweet this weekend about it.

[dale_fan3]

(Subject line:) Fourth floor fridge

All right, since apparantly a note on the door isnt' enough, I'm sernding an email to every one in the tower. that macaroni in the fridge on the fourth floor? Thats MINE. Stop eating my macaroni, or i'll start naming names, Andy.

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(Subject line:) Signature length

Apparantly some people think the length of the legal department's signature is too long. Unfortunately, the signatures are required, and will not be changed.

Vikki M.
Ext. 7241
Suite 35421

This message is property of the sender. Reproduction of this message is strictly prohibited. If you have recieved this message in error, please inform the sender and destroy this and any existing copies of this message in your posession. The contents of this message are the opinions of the sender and do not reflect the opinions of SherriSoda Tower, unless this is an official statement made by SherriSoda Tower, and it is accompanied by the proper authorization verifying that this is the opinion of SherriSoda Tower. If you believe this message contains any incriminating information, contact M. Johnson with absolutely NO detailed information about said incriminating information.

-------------------

(Subject line:) Re: Mailing lists

yeah, sorry, i'll be more careful.

> Quoted from Josh P
> To: (Mailing list:) SherriSodaTowerUniversal
> Subject: Mailing Lists
>
> Hello everyone. Please be careful when replying to messages sent
> to the universal mailing list. A few people have been hitting the
> "Reply to All" button and it's gotten rather annoying.
>
> Thanks,
> Josh P
> Ext. 43159

[joe_042293]

(Subject Line:) The rash is back

Hey Allan, what was the name of that cream you suggested? It's getting really itchy again, but I'm too embarrassed to go to the hospital... The last thing I want is someone else finding out about this, All!

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(Subject Line:) STOP ASKING IF YOU CAN SWAP OFICES WITH ME

guys this had gone on LONG ENOGGH!! i am sick and TIRED of ppl askinfg me if they can swop with me for my ofice! i keep getting emails from guys in the IT dept sayin my room is "the coolest" but i don't get whats so cool about it.. i don't want any MORE EMAILS YOU HERE ME??

Janice K
Suite 1337

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(Subject Line:) Gloves, lightly used

Hey everyone just sending out an email in case anyones interested - ive got hundreds of pairs of latex gloves, only used once, and i will let them go for a very reasonable price

Just call ext 3868 and ask for Matt

Thanks guys

Matt J
Receptionist at Pro Proctology

--------------------------

(Subject Line:) i am getting a bit annoyed now!!

SOMEBDOY has sneaked into my office and taken my pomelo and NO ONE HAS owned up to it yet!! i will not be angry i just want to know who did it?

please call dani at ext 476 if you have ANY info

[blueflare]

Subject line: How to eat pom

How to eat pom. I have this pom, it is delicious, but what to do? All I want is the tasty treat, but its insides are unavailable. What do I do. Some one please help. All I want is to chomp pom. Delicious red jewels on the inside

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Subject line: String Cheese

hi everyone. i have a lot of string cheese. let's be real: we all love string cheese. and i've got a lot. how much? hard to say. string cheese is difficult to measure. i'd estimate roughly a mile of string cheese, depending on how thinly you tore it. i'm looking to unload maybe a quarter of this (i want the rest for myself). if you are interested in a quarter-mile of string cheese, please call ext. 675 and ask for "tim". that isn't my real name; i am trying to keep this on the down-low. call fast - this string cheese is going fast.

[dale_fan3]

(subject line:) Quality office supplies

Dear RESTAURANT OWNER,

Since you work in an office tower, it must get het hard keeping all of your PANCAKES in order! Don't you ever find yourself looking for a SPATULA to sign your important DEEP FRIED NATCHOS? Then contact Quality Office Supplies at extension 33157.

Quality Office Supplies, for all your HAMBURGER needs.

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(Subject line:) ice cream machine

everyone knows how the lever on the soft serve machine lever sometimes gets stuck down, right? does anybody know how to fix it? and could they come to the kitchen? immediately?

-----------------

(Subject line:) Still stuck

Ok, apparantly everybody thought I was joking in my last, but can somebody PLEASE come up to the 12th floor storage closet and unlock it? It's been 3 hours, and I'm starting to get hungry. I know I've joked about being stuck in here before, but I would really like to be let out before that creepy janitor comes in tonight.

---------------

(Subject line:) pictureshop skills

does anybody here have good pictureshop skills? im looking for someone to pictureshop my head onto, like, super heros and stuff for free.

-ted w

[Illari]

(Subject Line:) Re: Dishwasher problem

Haha yeah I love how he was all "don't diss the fish!" and then he ate the goldfish haha. Which reminds me has your ear recovered yet?

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(Subject Line:) Want to look after my cat this weekend?

Hi,

We're going to a vacation in Chile this weekend, care to look after mr. cQASWHYUJB V .-


MNJ


CVVVVVVVVVZX

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(Subject Line:) Cheap meat

I forgot to ask, where did you wish me to deliver all these rats?

Thanks for the business,
Pat

[cybermouse8]

(Subject Line:) Gloves, lightly used

Hey everyone just sending out an email in case anyones interested - ive got hundreds of pairs of latex gloves, only used once, and i will let them go for a very reasonable price

Just call ext 3868 and ask for Matt

Thanks guys

Matt J
Receptionist at Pro Proctology

LOL That one HAS to go in.

(Subject Line:) World of World of Warcraft Tournament

Hey all you gamers out there, wanna get PWNED? Now's your chance noobs! Come one, come all, enter this insane-fest of nothing but World of World of Warcraft (you know that spinoff where when you press the arrow key on your keyboard, so does your in-game character, who is playing WoW and you're roleplaying as him/her, and you can customize your gamer character just like any RPG). If you haven't heard of WoWoW then now's a great opportunity to jump on the AWESOME-wagon.

Call ext 386 to get PWNED today!! And if you don't call, that means you're a noob!

P.S. Yes it is an actual game, stop replying saying it isn't. If you've never heard of it you must be a real noob, my grandma can't turn on a computer but at least she's heard of WoWoW.

-----------------------

(Subject Line:) Elevator mystery solved!

I figured you out. You know who you are, and so do I. SOMEONE always takes the elevator only on rainy days, and leaves a very small puddle right in the spot I like to stand in. It's quite irritating.

I reasoned that since there is always a small puddle in the elevator upon your return, you must always take your umbrella, otherwise there would instead be random drippings from wet clothes. Also, you only take the elevator on rainy days, as you take it just before I do; on sunny days I don't have to wait for it to come all the way back up to my floor. Ergo, you are very short and require the umbrella to press the buttons and so operate the elevator, something you could do on sunny days but refrain from doing, since you would look quite silly carrying an umbrella (not to mention your being unusually short). Ha! I bet you didn't think anyone could solve this mystery. Consider the case cracked, and the culprit identified.

Should I find any more of your inconvenient little puddles in my favourite spot on the elevator, I will be sure to notify the building manager and have you evicted. Do count on it.

Sincerely,

-S. Holmes

[Mr. Munchkin]

(Subject Line:) Partially soiled bed. Going Quick!

Hey everyone
I'm selling my old bed, used to be green... now with a yellowish tint of brown, only 12 years old! Partially soiled (I prefer the term 'Lotsa Memories!'), mattress is half torn but still useful!

I definitely wouldn't be selling this baby if it weren't for the termites eating through the legs, collapsed on me the other night! Grab onto this steal if you weigh less than 75 kg! I'm sure you can easily fix the leg. The termites are really nice, and are great to cuddle up against on those cold nights!

This steal is going quick! Call ext 504, ask for Ezra and grab this bad-boy!
Seriously, get on the phone. It'll be gone soon!

------------------------------------

(Subject Line:) We're no strangers to love.

You know the rules. And so do I!

Never gonna give you up.
Never gonna let you down.
Never gonna run around, and desert you.
Never gonna make you cry.
Never gonna say Goodbye.
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.

Call ext 1034, ask for The Game.

------------------------------------

Hahaha, sorry. That last one, I would laugh SO hard if that was in the game! XD

[joe_042293]

Since we haven't really had any terrible translations yet, I've tried a few. I kind of cheated with the first one; used one of those things where it runs a phrase through a bunch of translators, for the first paragraph.

-------------------------

(Subject Line:) You do not have to delay! Now buy in order to raise your charm

And the citric acid salt of which is sold under the other various trade name although happening characteristic dysfunction and the trunk hypertension of the lung are handled, is the medicine which is used. That first was developed by the English scientist! Functioning it does with the prohibition of the enzyme where that adjusts the flow of the blood. From of many exam it is of great nobility and tries in every such way.

If it is where in you are, can truth be of it in the greatest way? Make any containing 33.99 USD for no value lower! Unfruitful quest of others can be!

Ext 2277

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(Subject Line:) IF woman's beauty finds an avenue for it, when will yours be?

Some parts in a life, we have no good in a man. But in even his trials, looking with honour is noticed for its own self? This is where the happiness is tried with no more force! It can be inside the whole, or the inside nothing. Too late for zero. Grab with might for current is not too future for me! I knew where all liberty and freeing was of generations.

In looking of white, the surface of 33.99 USD is found in matches! It is unsustainable!

Ext 2277

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(Subject Line:) Need is found in the unlikely zones

Bad inside me. How numbered days were fell of akin to decayed leaves. But not ambitious in being of these ways, I did no evil. When all sirens confronted my walk, it was more no good with agreeing. Expectations of events in time found too quickly and lots of pleasure, but actual is need for stop and tears. In valley of no more low, level I cease existence with thinking. Did new bring for it a like of the life? I say no for shock but with it there is truth.

I find in companies of help with my own, there was feeling to be with all life in with itself! There was no ground in pushing, but the assistance found pure truth. With no way in 33.99 USD, how beast is slain and no future is no problem.

Still.

Bad inside me.

Bad is good.

Ext 2277

[Stuff+]

Some emails for you my man. Feel free to edit, amend, ignore any of them.

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(Subject Line:) OMGDUDE!

dude that blueberry pie was like totally f&$ng awesome man! it turned up and i was all like whaaaaat and then i ate it and it and was all like f&$k yer! im comin bk for more of that s%$t!!111

Nate

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(Subject Line:) Complaint

Dear Sir / Madam

I was in your establishment at 15:30 yesterday afternoon with some high profile business collogues of mine. After discussing the details of my latests acquisition, the specifics of which I'm sure you would not understand, I was horrified when the waitress brought us our order. Your so called "Mouth Watering Chicken" did not make me salivate one bit. As for the side order of salad the menu specificity stated Iceberg Lettuce. What arrived (to my horror!) was Rocket! This is totally unacceptable and I demand a full refund and a public apology immediately! I must also state that I am very influential and my brother is a well known food critic. I would highly recommend you contacting me as soon as possible.

Regards,

Dr M C Gaggly Esquire M.A, M.D, LL.D

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(Subject Line:) Fw: Are You Frustrated?

New Anti Frusti from GML. Watch it instantly take your frustration away! See how it effortlessly glides your worries away and takes you to a place of pure serenity. Order now to receive a discount of up to 25%*

Anna Wu

*Note that 25% discount only applies for orders over $1000

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(Subject Line:) SPAM: helo hi

hi ok

how is you im ok. i iam name is hukura yaloama and i seek good englesh. i wish to want come to your country. i hear good thing about your country. i you want me to come to your country??/ have goods time speckling engresh to each other?

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(Subject Line:) blank

I noticed this morning your fish surprise was sold out. I know a guy who can get you some fish and other meats for that matter really cheap. No questions asked, just let me know.

X

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(Subject Line:) IT Dept.

This is a reminder that it is company policy not to install games or other software on any computers within the premises. Recently there has been several instances of employees installing games such as "The Oil Blue" and "greenTech+" on company machines. Disciplinary action will be taken against any employee found installing / playing these games.

R Hartman
Ext. 2665
I.T. Tech Support

[Pete]

(Subject Line:) Re: Missing cat

We have your cat. Bring $2000 in non-sequential bills to the 3rd floor restrooms or Fluffy McKittens has caught his last rat.

...

Hah, got you there! I didn't kidnap your cat. I accidently ran over him on my way to work.

[dale_fan3]

These messages are all related to this feud going on between two people. I'm hoping to write some more between them.

------------

(Subject line:) False alarm

Sorry everyone, I want to appologize about the last email I sent out. Apparantly Leo is NOT suffering from extremely bad food poisoning, so it should be safe to use the bathroom.

-Dennis M.

P.S. Leo, it might be a good idea to ASK before stealing my stapler next time. It would be incredibly unfortunate if something like this were to happen again.

--------------

(Subject line:) Parking

Hi everyone. This is just a friendly reminder to be more careful when parking. It looks like somebody left a huuuge scrape on Leo's car.

-Dennis M.

P.S. Leo, please don't leave all your dishes unwashed in the kitchen for someone else to do. It might make whoever has to do them angry.

--------------

(Subject line:) That smell

Has anybody else noticed that smell coming from Leo's part of the office? I can't tell where it's coming from, but it smells like rotton eggs.

-Dennis M.

P.S. Leo, please stop eating my egg salad sandwiches. I don't want to have to keep hiding them. Sometimes I forget where I put them.

[Yackemflaber]

(Subject line:) Just a Game?

Doesn't your job feel like it's all just a game sometimes? Maybe it is. Maybe you've been playing too long.
If this feels like you, come to the "I'm Pretty Sure I'm Playing a Game" support group every Tuesday at 9 in room 201.

-IPSIPAG
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(Subject line:) Your Daily Joke

What do you get when you cross a convict and a drunk?

Punched in the face.
---------------
(Subject line:) Fact of the Day

Swiss cheese is called Emmental in Switzerland.
---------------

I'll try some more later. gotta eat

[joe_042293]

Eric has given me permission to write for Leo:

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(Subject line:) Meeting cancellation

To whomever it may concern, the meeting tomorrow in suite 740 is cancelled, owing to the main speaker, Dennis, being otherwise engaged. I'm told he has some kind of doctor's appointment about his severe diarrhoea.

I understand the "outbursts" are triggered whenever he uses somebody else's pan without asking permission and completely burns the bottom of it beyond recognition, rendering it useless. So let's all try to prevent that from happening again! I certainly won't leave my pan lying around carelessly at the bottom of my locked cupboard any more, that's for sure.

- Leo H

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(Subject line:) Friendly advice

For anybody in the building thinking of entrusting a friend with something important, please ensure beforehand that they are not a backstabbing mound of gurgling horror whose defiling presence is less desired than that of a putrid oozing boil on the lid of one's eye.

On a completely unrelated matter, I'd like to let Dennis know that I appreciate him telling Mr Dunham the real reason I was late into work last week. This has certainly put our relationship in better stead.

Regards,
Leo H

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(Subject line:) New phone guidelines

Just so everybody knows, the new procedure for taking messages for co-workers is as follows: answer their phone for them while they're away, fail to take down the name, number or intent of the person on the end of the line, and hang up abruptly and rudely.

These guidelines have been drafted by Dennis, who seems to think that they are the best way of handling calls while I'm out of the office.

- Leo H

[HienFan]

Ninja against shining princes


LUL a ninja in purple just encontered a prince who is literally glittering so he hez 2 fite wit him only 2 hab moar princes in gliiters at him.


Help sabe him!

Call HienFan at 8747 right now to banish the glitter princes.


HienFan